Happy New Year, damsels and villains! As for Kathyrne's first of the year image, I wonder if those lasers will burn thru one of the wires first, or both at once. bets?

For all you coffee lovers and or pod lovers (nespresso etc). Aldi is releasing their Expressi machines on Saturday for $79 a pop. They will also have 9 differen.

• Trust me this is the most powerful prayer ever I didn't say that. These are the words of someone who just saw the result of what we like to call.
• · I was supposed to be writing this recap, but instead I spent a good thirty minutes reading and laughing my head off, having heard whispers and now.

January 2. 01. 2 - Bondage Video Discussion Forum Archive. As this is my one- hundredth post here, and since I have not written a review in over a year, I figured this was the time to do just that.

If you are one of the three masochists who read my previous critiques, you'll know what to expect. The rest of you may want to scroll down a bit to know what you're in for.

By the way, any semblance between what follows and recent pics of the day is purely coincidental. Kristi and the Time Machine Directed by "Richard Stalin", © 2. Kristi and the Time Machine (KTM) is the first new production from Teraz Films since last year's Mark of the Whip 2.

Technically, it's not a Teraz video at all, being released under the Terror Perverse label shared by Girl in the Lift and Nina's Nightmares. Supposedly, Terror Perverse videos are more extreme than Teraz films, but if this is so, it is due to their featuring more pseudo- hardcore action, not graphic violence. There really isn't much difference between KTM and the MOW films; they all draw on the same quirky style unique to the Teraz universe. For those familiar with Teraz's previous output, Kristi and the Time Machine will seem more than a little familiar. As usual, the male characters are often masked and dubbed with synthesized voices, giving them the creepy presence of alien beings disguised as humans. The Granny Clampett clone from MOW2 returns in a bit role, again most likely played by a man. There's even a cameo appearance by everyone's favorite gauze- wrapped villain, the Fantom Kiler himself.

KTM features only two actresses: Maria Vaslova in a brief but very welcome appearance as FK's victim, and Kristi Lust (Kristýna Lusková, pictured right in a shot not from KTM), a Czech porn star who is in 9. Both Kristi and Maria embody classic Teraz GIMPettes: statuesque, glistening glamazons wearing nothing but stiletto heels and struggling desperately with their lines.

Except for a few exterior shots, KTM was filmed in the Teraz studios in the Czech Republic. Now unless a film is set in pre- existing indoor locations, attempting a low budget, studio- bound production, especially one spanning multiple time periods, is usually ill- advised. Yet Teraz always surprises me with how much they squeeze out of their plywood sets, creative lighting and fog machines.

The overall effect is surprisingly atmospheric if you don't mind the cheesy feel of a low- budget, 1. If mainstream realism is of utmost importance to you, I suspect you will be disappointed - the cost limitations are apparent in every shot - but if like me, you can get by on ambience and good intentions, KTM provides some unique and innovative scenes rarely attempted in peril fetish videos. Ostensibly directed by "Richard Stalin", but likely helmed by the same gent who made the Fantom Kiler films ("Roman Nowicki", though some may know him by other monickers), KTM is a sex and violence remake of that Irwin Allen television chestnut from the mid Sixties, The Time Tunnel.

Those of us old enough to remember this show will recall that the titular invention was a multi- billion dollar project to send reckless scientists into the past and future to do, well.. As the show opens, the project is in danger of being scrapped because much money has been spent and all the scientists are still safely ensconced in the present. To prove the invention works, reckless young scientist Tony sends himself back in time. Shortly thereafter, reckless older scientist Doug follows him. As the remaining eggheads collectively slap their foreheads, they watch helplessly (via those magic view screens that show events being relayed by non- existent cameras) as Tony and Doug are transported back to 1. Titanic! The time travelers do their best to convince the ship's crew that their unsinkable boat is about to, you know, sink, but these raving lunatics who claim to be from the future meet with little success. Cue iceberg; insert spiffy effects from some hoary old movie; and at the very last instant, "save" scientists by beaming them to some other perilous situation in a different era.

That basic premise is repeated week after week, as Tony and Doug bop from Krakatoa to Pearl Harbor to the Alamo - anywhere but back to the present because they are "lost in time". In each episode they are yanked to their next exciting destination just as doom seems inevitable.

So what has this digression to archaic science fiction television got to do with Kristi and the Time Machine? Just about everything. Not only does KTM appropriate the Time Tunnel plot, it even steals the tunnel's concentric rings and uses them as a motif for its time travel sequences. Of course, the KTM destinations are considerably less epic in scope, and the machine itself is.. But the rest is all there, nostalgia fans, with the addition of three things you never saw on the television series: nudity, bondage, and a whole truckload of female peril. As KTM opens ("Somewhere in Eastern Europe"), Professor Rohr- Sauger, inventor of a rather low- rent time machine, receives the bad news that his project is in danger of being scrapped because much money has been spent, and to no one's surprise, no time traveling has occurred.

Pipe smoking Rohr- Sauger and his associate, Professor Korsakov, attired in lab coats and wearing those nefarious masks, are ordered to prove the machine works or face having their funding cut. What's a poor mad scientist to do? Maybe try using the unfinished device on himself to demonstrate it?

Not on your life. Far better to recruit his comely and extraordinarily ill- informed assistant to test drive the thing and see what happens. Doctor Kristi Lust (played by not- a- doctor Kristi Lust) is summoned. After listening to Rohr- Sauger's unconvincing blather about how his invention works, and being scolded for questioning its safety, Kristi bleats "yes sir" a half dozen times and, clipboard in hand, obligingly marches into the time machine.

This dodgy contraption, which resembles a revolving door on a subway platform, entraps poor Kristi, who is told she must remove all her clothing in order for the device to work properly. After protesting for about two seconds, our eager- to- please heroine doffs her lab coat, bra and panties, but not her trusty Manolo Blahniks, which apparently do not count as clothing. It's important to note that at this point, about seven minutes into the movie, Kristi Lust is virtually naked, and that, excepting a brief segment in ancient Rome, she will remain so for the rest of the film. It's also worth mentioning that this is one of the best things about KTM. For my money, Kristi Lust is among the hottest actresses I've seen in a GIMP fetish flick, and every delectable square inch of her flesh is on display in the shots which follow. Thankfully, she makes no effort to find replacement clothing. Understandably curious about where in time her boss plans to send her, Kristi becomes a little concerned when Rohr- Sauger reveals he hasn't a clue himself.

After all, he's never used the machine before - so what the hell, he'll just wing it. Even worse, she's told he is still working on how to make the journey a round trip. This clearly does not sit well with Kristi, but before she can object further, Rohr- Sauger activates the machine. In a most enjoyable sequence, Kristi starts writhing as the apparatus fires up. The device emits suitably retro sound effects, and its hapless occupant begins dancing about like a possessed go- go dancer. Like most time machines, this one forces multiple orgasms on its user as it apparently accumulates the energy to send her into history.

Kristi moans, gasps and climaxes repeatedly, but she does not seem to be having a good time. Rohr- Sauger and Korsakov, on the other hand, enjoy the show and make rude comments. Like Barbarella in the orgasmatron, Kristi "suffers" until the machine finally catapults her to her first destination.

All the Best Movies and Shows Coming to and Leaving Hulu in August 2. While we’re waiting for the solar eclipse later on in the month, we’ll be cooling our heels in August hiding out in the air conditioning, and catching up on the fresh batch of movies and TV shows that are hitting streaming services on the 1st. Below, new offerings to expect from Hulu in the dog days of summer: Highlights. Hulu is introducing many Oscar- winning movies this month, including As Good as It Gets, Arthur, Ghost, High Noon, Reds, and Saving Private Ryan. There are also iconic movies people still reference today like Clueless, Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure (and its sequel Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey), and Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. If you’re planning to see Spider- Man: Homecoming in theaters, you can also watch Spider- Man and Spider- Man 2, starring Tobey Maguire, on Hulu.

Hulu also has most of the Saw franchise: Saw through Saw V. For more horror, there’s 2. My Bloody Valentine 3- D, the remake of the 1.

Canadian film My Bloody Valentine about a miner who goes on a murder spree. If you’re looking for something less scary but that still involves suspense, you’ll be able to watch 1. Clue, based on the popular board game of the same name, starting on August 1.

There are concert options, as well, including CMA Fest 2. Specialhosted by country singers.

Thomas Rhett and Kelsea Ballerini. If country music isn’t your thing, you can watch the comedy- music special hosted by ventriloquist and America’s Got Talent winner Terry Fator, Terry Fator: Live in Concert, where he does impressions of singers.

On August 5, you’ll be able to watch hilarious Billy on the Street segments because Hulu is streaming the show’s the fifth season (we’re excited to watch him destroy more art). You can also watch Billy Eichner play the part of an aspiring comedian on August 8, when the third season of Hulu’s original series Difficult People, about two bitter friends trying to make it in New York City, premieres. For reality TV fans, there’s The Bachelorette: The Men Tell Allon. August 1 and the contested season 4 premiere of Bachelor in Paradise on August 1.

On August 3. 1, many popular movies are leaving the service, including Blue Velvet, Gangs of New York, and Girl, Interrupted. Two popular Disney cartoons, Hercules and Mulan will be removed from the streaming service as well. Arriving This Month. August 1. Ali (2.

Among Friends (2. Arthur (1. 98. 1)As Good as it Gets (1. The Bachelorette: The Men Tell All: Special (ABC)Bad Boys (1. Bad News Bears (2.

Bad Company (2. 00. Benny & Joon (1. Watch Rolling Thunder Online. The Big Chill (1. Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey (1.

Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1. Bloodsport (1. 98. Box of Moonlight (1.

Breakdown (1. 99. Center Stage (2. 00. Center Stage: On Pointe (2. Center Stage: Turn it Up (2. Charley One- Eye (1. Charlotte’s Web (2. Clue (1. 98. 5)Clueless (1.

Coming to America (1. Criminal Law (1. 98. Cujo (1. 98. 3)Dead Gamers (2. The Dead Zone (1. Delta Force (1. 98.

Eve’s Bayou (1. 99. Far From Home (1. Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children (2. Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within (2.

Finding Forrester (2. The Foot Fist Way (2.

Friends and Lovers (1. The General’s Daughter (1.

Get Rich or Die Tryin’ (2. Ghost (1. 99. 0)Hannie Caulder (1. Harlem Nights (1. Harsh Times (2. 00. Hey Arnold! The Movie (2. High Noon (1. 95.

Higher Learning (1. Honey, I Shrunk the Kids (1. The Italian Job (2. Mars Attacks! (1. Men in Black II (2. The Mod Squad (1.

New in Town (1. 96. Once Bitten (1. 98. Once Upon a Time in Mexico (2. Paycheck (2. 00. 3)Puppetmaster: Axis Termination (2. The Pursuit of D.

B. Cooper (1. 98. Rachel Getting Married (2. Reds (1. 98. 1)Sahara (2. Saving Private Ryan (1. Saw (2. 00. 4)Saw II (2. Saw III (2. 00. 6)Saw IV (2.

Saw V (2. 00. 8)Sleepy Hollow (1. Spider- Man (2. 00. Spider- Man 2 (2. The Swan Princess and the Secret of the Castle (1.

The Swan Princess (1. Teen Witch (1. 98. Teen Wolf (1. 98.

Teen Wolf Too (1. Terry Fator: Live in Concert (2. The Toy (1. 98. 2)Ulee’s Gold (1. Vanilla Sky (2. 00. Wayne’s World 2 (1.

August 2. CMA Fest 2. Special (ABC)Cup of Culture (2.

Valkyrie (2. 00. 8)August 5. Billy on the Street, season 5 (Tru. TV)Hacker (2. 01. August 6. August 7.

You’re the Worst, season 3 (FX)August 8. Difficult People, season 3 (Hulu Original)Earth Live!: Special (National Geographic)August 9. August 1. 1We Bare Bears, season 2 (Cartoon Network)August 1. Bachelor in Paradise, season 4 premiere (ABC)Better Things, season 1 (FX)Beneath (2. Felony (2. 01. 3)Hamlet (1.

Invasion U. S. A. It Takes Two (1. 99. Ladybugs (1. 99. 2)Love Story (1.

Missing in Action (1. Missing in Action 2: The Beginning (1. Narc (2. 00. 2)Next (2.

The Prince and Me (2. The Ruins (2. 00. Sabrina (1. 99. 5)Universal Soldier (2. Yours, Mine and Ours (2. August 1. 6Regular Show, season 8 (Cartoon Network)August 1. Marlon, series premiere (NBC)August 1. Mary Kills People, season 1 (Lifetime)Stan Against Evil, season 1 (IFC)August 1.

My Bloody Valentine (2. August 2. 0August 2. August 2. 7Florence Foster Jenkins (2. August 2. 9Leaving in August. August 3. 12 Days in the Valley (1. All Over the Guy (2. Barnyard (2. 00. 6)Blow Out (1.

Blue Velvet (1. 98. Burnt Offerings (1. Chaos (2. 00. 8)De- Lovely (2. Desperate Hours (1. Fire in the Sky (1. Gangs of New York (2.

Girl, Interrupted (1. Harriet the Spy (1. Hercules (1. 99. 7)Kangaroo Jack (2. Little Man Tate (1. Lost in America (1. Mr. Mom (1. 98. 3)Mulan (1.

Shivers (1. 97. 5)Tracker (2. Underworld (2. 00. Underworld Evolution (2. Under the Sea (2. Walking Tall (2. 00.